Right. This post might not go as planned as recently I have found myself without my creative juices which help me to write and vlog. However yesterday I had a bit of a crisis when I went to bed and I just want to talk about it.
Yesterday I have found myself in bed, over thinking about my life. Specifically, my college life. I have realized that I am not happy with what I'm doing at all. See, university is not bad. I enjoy going to lectures, I like the whole atmosphere. However the big problem I'm experiencing right now is that I am not happy with where my life is going. I'm doing Bachelor of Arts in which I'm doing: psychology, sociology, computer science and Spanish. In second year I have to pick 2 subjects, one major and one minor. First of all, I picked this course as it was my last option. I really wanted a college education and I didn't do that well on my Leaving Certificate and no college/uni wanted me. I have found a loophole and I went to a college for a year so I can have access to a university through that. I eventually got in and I was super happy and excited. However now that I have done nearly a year of what I supposedly wanted to do really much, I don't think I want it anymore.
Say that I decide to stay and finish my three years in university with Spanish and Psychology (two subjects I picked for second year). I will barely survive three years of doing one subject that interests me and a second one that kinda interests me too but I will get nothing from. Then after three years I will go out with a shitty degree that I won't care about as it won't give me any job that I want to do.
I think that society pressures people too much to get an education really fast. How is an 18 year old person supposed to know what they want to do for the next 50 years? We're not psychic. Some people are lucky as they actually have interests and they are really passionate about doing something and they go and do it. Good for you people. However for the other part of the people who have no idea what they are doing it's a quite hard thing to deal with. Most of the teenagers these days answer "I have no idea" to the amazingly stupid question "What do you want to be in the future?". Again, we're not psychics.
I hate that we need some shitty piece of paper stating that we're smart and we can actually work now. I'm smart without that piece of paper. Oh look at me, I have a shitty piece of paper, hire me? I understand some jobs need education like doctors and lawyers but other jobs, I don't think they don't need that shitty piece of paper. How about "Yeah I'm new to this but I can adapt quickly and I'm willing to learn more about how to do this job, hire me?" That would be so amazing. For me right now the thing that would make me happy is to travel, get a career in making videos or writing a blog. However I know that the possibility of that happening is super low. I'm not that entertaining and don't have money for travel. Right now I have nothing else I am interested in. How am I supposed to do Spanish and Psychology for 2 more years? Yeah yeah, two years is not that much but there are so many things I could do in these two years that can make me happy.
I have considered quitting college so many times but I didn't. So many people are keeping themselves in college and do things they don't like and then end up doing something completely different. Yesterday I was crying as I just didn't feel happy with my life. I was thinking "Maybe I should just quit college? Maybe I should just go back to Limerick and live with my parents? Maybe I should just get a job and get on with my life?". However there were also cons of me quitting.. "Will I ever get a job without my shitty piece of paper? What if I'll end up in a job that I hate and I will come back to the same unhappy point I'm at now? What if I just disappoint my parents and they won't be proud of me anymore?". It's a really hard thing to figure out. I don't want to think about this now. I just turned 19 and I barely know what I'm gonna eat for breakfast tomorrow so how can I just plan my whole life that's ahead of me?
I am still stuck with what to do. I'll talk to my parents about it and see what they think of it. Crossing my fingers that they will be supportive.
That was my mini rant of me not being happy about my college education.
Hopefully it wasn't too confusing and I'll see you in the next one.
Bye beauties x
No comments:
Post a Comment