About 20 minutes ago I made a shitty video (I have a YouTube channel if you didn't know) and I didn't have a plan for it and then the lighting was shit so I'm never going to put it up. Unless my future children want to laugh at their teenage mother. Hi Oliver or Amanda- whichever sex you are. I hope I am a good mom.
I'm off topic. Wait..I wasn't even on a topic. Everything is poop right now. My mood is this---> I CAN'T EVEN.
Let's make a topic. A rant?
It has been a thing for a long time now that I noticed but didn't want to notice. If you know what I mean. Basically what I mean that I get quite sad sometimes about a thing. For example imagine you sitting with your friends all having a laugh and one person calls you a retard. That's grand. You're having a laugh. However sometimes I take words like that seriously.. For example lets take the same word "retard" or "stupid". Sometimes if one of my friends or anyone close to me calls me that, it genuinely gets to me. I might laugh at it at the time but in my heart I'm crying. Tell me I'm overreacting. I don't give a fuck. But yes. When I get called names it gets to me so badly that I start believing that I am that name someone called me. Obviously if somebody calls me a whore it won't get to me as I am a virgin and it would be really stupid of the person to call me a whore.
Last time I was somewhere ( I won't be posting any personal details) and I got called a name a lot by a person or a person implied something bad.This person is close to me. The person meant it jokingly obviously but I heard it so much that it kind of got to me and I was really sad for the rest of the day. Later on the person noticed it got to me and I was sad so they said sorry at the end. But that's not the point I'm making here. By that comment (even if the person said sorry) I still believe I'm stupid. I think of times from when I said something smart or actually relevant and I don't recall any..Then does that mean I'm stupid? Or just really emotionally unstable? I think it's both. I should really see a psychologist or something..
College. It's getting so boring lately. They expect me to wake up really early and go to college to do literally nothing. (Btw my mom called me and I lost my inspiration but ill finish this). I literally go to college and we barely do any work. The lecturers mostly talk to us and shit so why should I even bother coming in? I keep missing more and more lectures because I just don't see the point. Thinking that I will go to the same college next year just makes me puke. Just please let me go to University. I beg you :c
I got tea. Maybe that will get my creative juices flowing. Fun fact for you- Polish people don't drink tea with milk. In my opinion it's disgusting. Bleugh. I prefer my fruit tea with a shit ton of honey. YUM.
My relationship is fine. I'm growing stronger in my feelings for him everyday and I hope he does too. He took me on a romantic walk yesterday which was nice. However when I said it's romantic he replied with "Meh" which wasn't the answer I expected really. xD Well I am a hopeless romantic so I wasn't really surprised. His idea of romantic might be different to mine. I don't mind though. He's mine. That's all that matters. I can just see the overly attached girlfriend face on me right now. Not really. But yeah. :)
I wanted to say "I think that's it for today" but but but but I forgot my most important think that I have a feeling I wanted to write about it most. I am getting a tattoo soon! :) *excited face*. I won't tell you what it is yet as I have a feeling someone will read my blog post and get it before me claiming I'm the copycat. Even though a shit ton of people have them. I am still not telling. I am going to the studio my best friend Zaneta went too as she got beautiful tattoos done and she didn't pay as much as I expected her to pay so..good artist, low price. Sounds good for me! Where did Joanna get the money? :o Shes always broke. Well not this time! (Surprisingly). I got my grant (which is a payment you get to pay for your college, books or accommodation and shiz) and as my college was quite cheap, I still have so much money left. My tattoo won't be that expensive anyway but I'm happy. My parents were completely against it but I am 18 years old, I can make my own decisions when it comes to MY money. They are sometimes really bossy with my money. But they help me in so much situations so I forgive them. I hope my boyfriend and Zaneta will go with me to mind me and make sure I won't collapse and wont get a huge penis tattooed on my arm.. Because penis.
That is it my little.. pigeons? I like that word so now I shall call you that. Ha.
There is a picture of my very enthusiastic face:
Bye!
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